My baby will be turning 2 exactly three weeks from today. Its so sweet to see him reach his milestones and am awed by how fast these two years have gone. However, the days towards his birthday often become a reminder of the things I went through to bring him into this world.
I do remember those last weeks of August 2013, how heavily pregnant I was, and how much I just wanted to sleep all day and do nothing. I remember how we moved to a bigger house so that we would have more space to raise the baby. I do remember how much yogurt I had, as it was the only thing that took away the weird taste in my mouth. I remember taking a break from work, and thinking what a sacrifice that was. I just discovered that I never posted his birth story yet I remember typing it out. #forgetfulmama
As the days moved closer to my due date, I began getting a little scared. By the way, my baby was born one week past his due date. I had my bags packed, and like the planner I am, I was actually ready weeks before. I read a lot of articles on what to expect and I thought since I had a pretty normal pregnancy, the delivery would also be the same. I had also been very active during my pregnancy, and my hubby used to take me for long walks to make sure I had an easier time giving birth (If anything like an easy birth exists!!).
And so when the labor kicked in on that 14th day of September (a Saturday), I felt confident that everything would go as expected. (Expectations are the worst, they can kill you). However, things didn’t go as planned.
I was dilated 4cm when I was admitted at around 9 a.m in the morning, and little did I know that there would not be much progress from there. One of the nurses told me to take a walk around the hospital to quicken the dilation. I came in to get checked at 1 pm and the Doppler showed that my baby’s heartbeat was too fast. The nurse looked a little bit worried and told me to take a nap and rest to try and calm him down. Please note I was still in labor. Several hours later, his heart was still racing and a doctor was called in, and within minutes, I was wheeled down to the theater for an emergency c-section. At 9.25 p.m. Lowell Sedar was born.
Fast forward to 1.25 am, I regained consciousness for a few minutes and I remember asking one of the nurses for my baby. She said he was in the nursery and would be brought to me when I was feeling better. I went back to a deep slumber and woke up at 5 am to find a male nurse handing me my bundle of joy. I wish I could freeze that moment, but it is etched in my memory forever.
The moment I realized the kind of pain associated with a c-section was when I tried to get off my bed to go to the washroom. It was horrible, the pain was crazy and though I had been given strong painkillers, it was just so painful. I did not manage to get to the bathroom and I waited until someone could come and hold my hand.
For the next few weeks, I got used to this pain. I needed help getting off a chair, off my bed, taking a shower, lifting my baby, and pretty much everything. It was hard to wake up in the middle of the night to feed and comfort my crying baby. I remember how traumatizing it was thinking that someone cut my tummy and sew it back. Ouch!! The only comfort was the sight of my baby. C-section recovery is not easy and it takes months and its super crazy. This is why I find it hard to think that one would freely choose to go under the knife.
It scares me to think that I want other babies, and most likely I will have more c-sections because my body refuses to open up. Am terrified of the day after, the struggle of needing so much help to do the most basic things. It is scary to think that 2 years later, lifting something heavy might cause trauma to my c-section scar, which can lead to serious complications. It is scary to think that being pregnant again could stretch my scar too far.
However, this post is not meant to scare anyone. This is just my experience, my story and I would love to hear yours. Also, not all c-sections are the same, in fact none are similar. This is especially so for those of use who cannot go through a normal delivery, but if you can, please stick to that. Because it is natural and so much less riskier. Please.
I know I will weather the next c-section and the next one too, because the sight of my beautiful babies will give the pain so much more meaning. It makes you forget. And as I hear Lowell saying ‘av you’ (love you), it makes it all worth it.