Month: August 2015

When your baby (heart) is far away from you

lowell and me

My baby is my heart, hence the title.

My Lowell has been away at his grandma’s for more than a week now. And I feel empty. I lack purpose. I lack the motivation to cook, or to eat, or to go to work.

Don’t get me wrong. I do all these things everyday (of course am not gonna starve to death), but I lack the motivation or the drive that I have when he is around.

To summarize it in 3 powerful words…

I miss him.

The point of this visit to my mum’s place is that we want to start a new tradition, or keep an old tradition anyways. I remember when we were young, we would go visit our grandmothers during the holidays. We had so much fun and were spoiled beyond repair. Grandparents’ love is like no other. I see it in the way my hubby loves his grandma and how she loves him back. Its precious.

Being their first grandchild, I know my parents love my son with every little bit of their wonderful hearts.

grandma quotephoto credit

But more importantly, I know that Lowell loves them so much. (Am tearing up right now). He is so happy with my mum. You should see them playing around and laughing so hard. Its beautiful. Don’t get me talking about how adorable it is to hear my oh so strong Daddy talking Kikuyu to my son, who understands none of it but nods in agreement.

I want my baby to know this love and to feel it in his heart and to treasure it, so that when he is back, he misses his grandparents.

But its taking a toll on us. I woke up yesterday very early to scroll through his pictures on my phone. I was doing it secretly, but soon after I caught my hubby watching videos of Lowell on his phone. We miss him terribly.

I now realize how big the part he plays in our lives is. A part?? Who am I kidding. He is everything. He is our life.

I feel for those mums who have to leave their kids and go to school, or go work in a foreign city or worse, different country. I now know the kind of sacrifice they make. I feel for the mums who have lost their babies. Its tough and only God can give them peace.

I miss the tantrums, the cries, the hair pulling, the craziness, the broken toys, the scolding and the tough love moments. But what I miss most are the hugs, and the kisses. The loud high-pitched voice calling ‘Mommy’ and ‘Daddy’ hundreds of times each day.

I miss his weird sleeping habits. I miss waking up in the middle of the night to find his legs on my face, and the midnight stomach punches. (I promise, am moving him to his bed asap)

I miss it all.

See you soon baby.

Tuesday

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When you least expect it,
Something great will come along, Something better than you even planned for.
Be smart.
Be patient.
Stay focused.

My C-Section Experience. Read then Decide. Don't Rush.

c-section

My baby will be turning 2 exactly three weeks from today. Its so sweet to see him reach his milestones and am awed by how fast these two years have gone. However, the days towards his birthday often become a reminder of the things I went through to bring him into this world.

I do remember those last weeks of August 2013, how heavily pregnant I was, and how much I just wanted to sleep all day and do nothing. I remember how we moved to a bigger house so that we would have more space to raise the baby. I do remember how much yogurt I had, as it was the only thing that took away the weird taste in my mouth. I remember taking a break from work, and thinking what a sacrifice that was. I just discovered that I never posted his birth story yet I remember typing it out. #forgetfulmama

As the days moved closer to my due date, I began getting a little scared. By the way, my baby was born one week past his due date. I had my bags packed, and like the planner I am, I was actually ready weeks before. I read a lot of articles on what to expect and I thought since I had a pretty normal pregnancy, the delivery would also be the same. I had also been very active during my pregnancy, and my hubby used to take me for long walks to make sure I had an easier time giving birth (If anything like an easy birth exists!!).

And so when the labor kicked in on that 14th day of September (a Saturday), I felt confident that everything would go as expected. (Expectations are the worst, they can kill you). However, things didn’t go as planned.

I was dilated 4cm when I was admitted at around 9 a.m in the morning, and little did I know that there would not be much progress from there. One of the nurses told me to take a walk around the hospital to quicken the dilation. I came in to get checked at 1 pm and the Doppler showed that my baby’s heartbeat was too fast. The nurse looked a little bit worried and told me to take a nap and rest to try and calm him down. Please note I was still in labor. Several hours later, his heart was still racing and a doctor was called in, and within minutes, I was wheeled down to the theater for an emergency c-section. At 9.25 p.m. Lowell Sedar was born.

Fast forward to 1.25 am, I regained consciousness for a few minutes and I remember asking one of the nurses for my baby. She said he was in the nursery and would be brought to me when I was feeling better. I went back to a deep slumber and woke up at 5 am to find a male nurse handing me my bundle of joy. I wish I could freeze that moment, but it is etched in my memory forever.

The moment I realized the kind of pain associated with a c-section was when I tried to get off my bed to go to the washroom. It was horrible, the pain was crazy and though I had been given strong painkillers, it was just so painful. I did not manage to get to the bathroom and I waited until someone could come and hold my hand.

For the next few weeks, I got used to this pain. I needed help getting off a chair, off my bed, taking a shower, lifting my baby, and pretty much everything. It was hard to wake up in the middle of the night to feed and comfort my crying baby. I remember how traumatizing it was thinking that someone cut my tummy and sew it back. Ouch!! The only comfort was the sight of my baby. C-section recovery is not easy and it takes months and its super crazy. This is why I find it hard to think that one would freely choose to go under the knife.

It scares me to think that I want other babies, and most likely I will have more c-sections because my body refuses to open up. Am terrified of the day after, the struggle of needing so much help to do the most basic things. It is scary to think that 2 years later, lifting something heavy might cause trauma to my c-section scar, which can lead to serious complications. It is scary to think that being pregnant again could stretch my scar too far.

However, this post is not meant to scare anyone. This is just my experience, my story and I would love to hear yours. Also, not all c-sections are the same, in fact none are similar. This is especially so for those of use who cannot go through a normal delivery, but if you can, please stick to that. Because it is natural and so much less riskier. Please.

I know I will weather the next c-section and the next one too, because the sight of my beautiful babies will give the pain so much more meaning. It makes you forget. And as I hear Lowell saying ‘av you’ (love you), it makes it all worth it.

My go-to easy breezy hairstyle, perfect for busy working mums

Motherhood is craaaaazy…This is a well-known fact and I have come to appreciate it even more. What would make a writer like me suddenly stop blogging for I don’t know how many months????

You guessed right-Motherhood. I have been super busy now that am a working mother to an almost two year-old boy. Oh my Oh my..how days keep flying by and I can’t seem to hold onto any moment..however beautiful.

In order to keep up with this busy lifestyle, I have learned a few tricks that make my mornings less stressful. I definitely do not have time to attend to an elaborate hairstyle, while dealing with my crying son when am leaving in the morning. Lots of mommy bloggers have tips on how to simplify the morning routine and I have been applying them religiously.

I have recently discovered the high-top bun hairstyle, which has made my life so much easier.

high top bun 2

It is super easy and super chic. It makes me look like am calm and collected, and like I took time to look good, even when I actually didn’t. Just comb your hair lightly, hold it high with a thick hairband (as we call it) or a hair scrunchie, then roll the hair into a bun around the band. That’s it, no stress, no hassle. In a matter of minutes am ready.

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Add a dash of lipstick or gloss to the lips, and you suddenly look like a super chic, stylish mom. As much as Lowell (my son) likes to mess with my hair, this is difficult to mess with and I can redo it in 10 seconds when need arises. Check it out below, don’t mind the scarf. I wear it because my office is quite cold.

high top bun front
Final result

Try it, you will love it.

Hope to get my blogging groove back asap to keep you engaged. Thanks loves!