My baby is my heart, hence the title.
My Lowell has been away at his grandma’s for more than a week now. And I feel empty. I lack purpose. I lack the motivation to cook, or to eat, or to go to work.
Don’t get me wrong. I do all these things everyday (of course am not gonna starve to death), but I lack the motivation or the drive that I have when he is around.
To summarize it in 3 powerful words…
I miss him.
The point of this visit to my mum’s place is that we want to start a new tradition, or keep an old tradition anyways. I remember when we were young, we would go visit our grandmothers during the holidays. We had so much fun and were spoiled beyond repair. Grandparents’ love is like no other. I see it in the way my hubby loves his grandma and how she loves him back. Its precious.
Being their first grandchild, I know my parents love my son with every little bit of their wonderful hearts.
But more importantly, I know that Lowell loves them so much. (Am tearing up right now). He is so happy with my mum. You should see them playing around and laughing so hard. Its beautiful. Don’t get me talking about how adorable it is to hear my oh so strong Daddy talking Kikuyu to my son, who understands none of it but nods in agreement.
I want my baby to know this love and to feel it in his heart and to treasure it, so that when he is back, he misses his grandparents.
But its taking a toll on us. I woke up yesterday very early to scroll through his pictures on my phone. I was doing it secretly, but soon after I caught my hubby watching videos of Lowell on his phone. We miss him terribly.
I now realize how big the part he plays in our lives is. A part?? Who am I kidding. He is everything. He is our life.
I feel for those mums who have to leave their kids and go to school, or go work in a foreign city or worse, different country. I now know the kind of sacrifice they make. I feel for the mums who have lost their babies. Its tough and only God can give them peace.
I miss the tantrums, the cries, the hair pulling, the craziness, the broken toys, the scolding and the tough love moments. But what I miss most are the hugs, and the kisses. The loud high-pitched voice calling ‘Mommy’ and ‘Daddy’ hundreds of times each day.
I miss his weird sleeping habits. I miss waking up in the middle of the night to find his legs on my face, and the midnight stomach punches. (I promise, am moving him to his bed asap)
I miss it all.
See you soon baby.