Month: March 2012

Scintilla #11: Story from another Life

Hey my lovely readers, hope your week is going great and that you are enjoying it. Lots of happenings in this corner of my world but am gonna be ok. Scintilla is over and am sad. Just today and that it. I loved this project and hope to participate in more like this.
Prompt: Tell a story that you haven’t told yet. Give it a different ending
  than the one that really happened. Don’t tell us where you start
  changing things. Just go.
I wake up and its still dark. I know I have not slept for long. I glance at my phone and its only been two hours. I cant sleep anymore. It feels like there is something going on in my head. Is that someone drumming? In my head? Feels crazy.
 
I have cried my eyes out. I dont think it is even possible for me to cry anymore. I am tired of all the crying. I am tired of all the tears and the pain and the craziness.
 
I then start dreaming. I dream of a large field. It is filled with sunflowers. Beautiful and yellow. It is morning and they are opening up. To the beautiful sunlight. It is a gorgeous day and I take it all in. I take one flower in my hand and fix it in my hair. I fumble with it but cannot get to do it. Then, I feel a warm hand on my neck. 
 
The flower is no longer in my hand but he takes it gently. He fixes it on my hair and then turns me around. I turn back really easily. He is so strong. I look at him and I see the sun shining in his eyes. His hair graciously flowing and his skin so supple and dark. 
 
When he leans in and kisses me, thats when I discover am not dreaming. It is just me in another life. Where you and I live beautifully. And sunflowers wake us up. We enjoy watching them opening up to the sun. It is just like we have opened our hearts to each other. I love you, thats all I can mumble.

Scintilla #10: Heartbreak

Hello Tuesday, a beautiful day here with lots of sun and lots of activities. Today we wanna go deep and talk about heartbreak. As promised earlier, I do not want to post painful posts so am gonna try to write from a cool place in my heart. Where heartbreak brings better things and opens doors to better love.
Prompt: Talk about breaking someone else’s heart, or having your own heart
  broken.
I broke someone’s heart. Yes, I am a heart breaker and I am sorry that I did it. We met in my first year of university. Lets call him V. V was short and handsome. He was always sweet to me. I had not known him for a long time before I accepted to be his girlfriend.
 
Up to this day, one thing that am always sure of was that V loved me. He loved me deeply. He always said that I was his wife to be. He took care of me. He cried with me. He bought me gifts. He treated me really nicely and with respect.
 
I thought I loved V too but I discovered later that I never loved him. I just liked him and thought he was really nice. I never found saw him hot or sexy.I was never attracted to him sexually. It was more of a friendship rather than a relationship to me. 
 
I tried to break it off at some point, and V said he would kill himself. That is when I started getting afraid. I was afraid that he would do something crazy if I ever left him. So, I started resenting him. I avoided him, I tried to act distant so that he would end it himself but he never did.
 
And then I met someone who gave me the courage to get what I want. Someone who made me feel sexy and fun and outgoing. Thats when I knew that I had to break V’s heart. When I told him it was over, he told me he would kill my boyfriend. He said that he would do anything to keep us apart but he never did. He was heartbroken and am sorry I broke his heart.

Scintilla #9: 23 Things that Tickle my Heart

Hello gorgeous people. Am thankful for you today and really hope your weekend was fabulous. Three days absent from Scintilla, Is that commitment or what?? But am letting myself off the hook. I know I’ve spoilt myself but its ok. Am back with 23 things that tickle my heart and my soul. At first, I wanted to write about words that I love but then I changed my mind. I wish to let you into my heart and discover what tickles it, what makes it smile and what makes it feel connected to my soul. Enjoy
1. Sunny days
2. Girlfriends (I once had none and now I cant get enough of the ones I have)
3. Tight but well fitting jeans
4. Seeing a man watching me, with a little bit of lust yet gently
5. A warm manly hand on my face
6. Long, blank but honest stares into the eyes
7. Meeting people and hitting it off so fast
8. The moment that I think, “my life keeps getting weirder and weirder
9. Soft kisses on my neck
10. Deep kisses on my mouth
11. Making love (yeah, am corny like that)
12. Inside jokes with people I’ve known for a long time
13. Holding hands in public
14. Affection
15. Attention, not too much, just enough
16. Sleeping in someone’s arms
17. Soothing words or music
18. Chocolate yoghurt
19. Freedom
20. Romantic movies (just watched, The Vow and loved it)
21. Relaxing, swimming, taking walks
22. Romance
23. Peace of mind, body and soul

Friday Fancies: Nothing in Particular

I am no fan of basketball. Lets get that clear. So, this Friday’s theme seemed kind of crazy to me. I could not just get it in my head. So I decided just to come up with an outfit that I would wear any day, going anywhere. (especially shopping). I like the boyfriend jeans and I love red so that all that this is about. Hope you like my nothingness and appreciate my lack of theme this week. As usual, linking up with {av} at long distance loving.
fun

fun by emmyel featuring pouch handbags

Scintilla #8: My Tribes

Throughout my young life, I have belonged to several tribes which I have often used to describe myself. This post explicates these tribes.
Prompt:
List the tribes you belong to: cultural, personal, literary, you get the drift. Talk about the experience of being in your element with your tribes.
Culturally, I belong to the Kikuyu tribe in Kenya. In our country, there are more that 42 tribes which are actually small groupings of people depending on the language they speak, their culture and where they came from historically. I love my tribe, no argument. However, in our country, politics have become a tribal affair. People hate each other just because one comes from a different tribe. In 2007, we had a general election and when a person from my tribe won, other tribes ganged up against the Kikuyu and this caused a lot of civil unrest. Meaning that people fought and people died. With such happenings, it has become more and more difficult to identify with my tribe. It is not that I am not proud of it, it is just that I do not want to be labelled as tribal. It has become very difficult to draw the line between identifying oneself and being tribal. Anyway, I was born a Kikuyu and always will be.
Personally, I like to attach myself to the optimism tribe. The tribe that looks at the glass half full instead of half empty. I have always known I belonged to this tribe but it has not always been easy attaching to my group. At times, I have been stressed, tearful, sad, lonely and abandoned my tribe. Let me tell you, it is like leaving you family and walking away. When these feelings attack me and all I can see is the negative, it is like am down with the flu. I feel suffocated, I cannot breathe. I know that I have to find my way back to my tribe. 
– 
There was a time in my life (not too long ago), that I belonged to the brokenhearted tribe. Then I joined the feel sorry for myself tribe. I have also at some point joined the loner tribe. But I always go back home. All these seem foreign to me and I can only pass through them as I find my way to my family. I love my tribe and I am proud to be a member of the optimism tribe.

Scintilla #7: Faith

Hi my peeps!I have missed you totally and completely. I did not write for Scintilla yesterday and am ok with that. But I also missed it. My week has has been good so far, just work and a magical night yesterday with someone special (my hands shook when I wrote that). Am grateful. And it is time to let you into my life a little more through Scintilla. Today its all about faith. 
Prompt: 2. Talk about an experience with faith, your own or someone else’s
 
Faith is defined as confidence or trust in a person or an entity. I just had to get that definition because some of the meanings we give to words are personal and do not necessarily reflect the well-known meaning. 
Am out of words when it comes to describing my faith but I have had experiences that proves that my belief in something bigger than me supports me as I go about life.  
I went to boarding school at 8 years of age. I am barely five feet now, so you can imagine how tiny I was at 8. I was so small, my classmates used to call me Millie tiny. I accepted it because I knew I was tiny, no doubt about it, no arguments. However, the problem was not with my body size, it was with my homesickness. 
I felt as if I was being tortured. Being away from my parents was so scary. I constantly told my mother that I did not want to go back to school. She said I would outgrow it and eventually I did but it took so much from me.
I started finding ways of attracting my parents attention. I started pretending to be sick. Even when I was actually sick, I pretended to be feeling really, really bad. This earned me trips home, many of them. My mother was getting tired of it and she knew it was more than just physical sickness. 
She took me to a counselor. I remember it was a woman. She talked to me. She told me that I could open up to her. That she would keep my secrets confidential. I told her everything. How I hated school, how I missed my parents, how I wanted to go home. She told me that my parents were doing it for me. That the school I went to was the best and all they wanted was for me to succeed. She spoke my language, I was a child and I felt understood. For once, someone took time to actually listen.
I remember, how she asked if I believed in God. I remember how she told me that God was always there for me, whenever I needed to talk. She told me that whenever I felt the urge to go home, I could just talk to him and ask for whatever I needed. Eventually, I believed her and I started praying. The pretense sickness ceased and it felt so good to have someone who always watched over me. I believed that he watched over my parents too and there was no need for me to go home and check on them myself. 
This is my faith. I believe in God. Not in an obnoxious kind of way but in a more personal, day by day way.He walks with me and I place my confidence and trust in Him.
A Stylish Little Lady

Scintilla #6: Beautiful Days

It is Monday and I am so grateful for being alive. I am grateful because I get to see another beautiful week. I get to experience the joy of breathing and eating and walking and learning how to drive. Yes. Finally, I enrolled for driving lessons and am loving it. Its part of my 25 before 25 project and that means am headed in the right direction even if I waited till the last minute. To reiterate yesterday’s prompt, dreams do come true especially when you want them so bad.
Today’s Prompt: 2. What does your everyday look like? Describe the scene of your happiest moment of every day.
I like to think myself of an evening person but lately, I have come to see the beauty in mornings. When asked to describe the happiest moment in my day, I do not have a specific answer. My day is filled with little snippets of joy that make up a full/whole/complete happy day. This is just a preview of these moments.
-Scene 1: Breathing in the fresh air when I wake up in the morning. First things first, I always say a prayer of thanksgiving acknowledging all the blessings in my life. It might be just saying thanx for getting to see a new day or a whole list of things I appreciate. None is better than the other as long as it is a prayer of appreciation. I love this scene in my day. It brings me to a new level of alignment and I am able to face my day with hope.

– Scene 2: Doing all the things that we consider normal yet are not so normal. Eating, taking a shower, walking around, working, reading, listening to music, and many more. These are things I enjoy doing. Everyday, I wake up and I expect to have food on the table. I consider this a normal thing, yet there are people who sleep hungry. With this in mind, considering this part of my happy scenes is no exaggeration. I have come to a place where I appreciate my life for what it is. I know I could spend my life complaining and sulking, but when I look around, am still blessed. So much so, that I often laugh at myself for complaining and being sad at times. These small things make me happy.
-Scene 3: This often comes late at night, when I have eaten, watched a movie and want to sleep. My phone rings. I reach for it and I know there can be only one person calling at that time. The one who calls everyday before they sleep. Before I sleep too. For many years now, I get this call. He asks how am doing and we talk about our days. We then say good night. Even when angry, even when things dont look so good but more importantly when things are going well. I love this call and the caller too. It is the best scene of my day and it is most certainly the simplest yet the most pleasurable.

 

Scintilla #5: The Impossible Dream

I know I skipped yesterday but I just had so much stuff to do and I had to take a break because the day 3 post was really painful for me. I want to change the course of this project and I will only write of those stories that touch my soul. The stories that make me smile and hope they make you smile too. I hope I can keep that promise to you and to me.

Today’s Prompt: What is One Massively Impossible dream you’ve always had?
One thing that you must understand about me is that I love to dream. I not only dream at night, I also dream during the day. I dream as I walk, I dream as I eat, I dream as I go through everyday. I also highly believe in my dreams. I believe that none of them are impossible and that they are coming true everyday. All I have to do is open my eyes.So, instead of writing about the impossible dream, I choose to write about the dream that is closest to my heart.
I dream of my future children. I know am only 24, almost 25, but I do all the time. I dream about a baby girl. Her name is Aria. She has big beautiful eyes and her smile melts my heart. I dream of the first day that I get to hold her. I feel her soft hands touching my cheek. I can smell her and it touches my heart. I dream of all the days we will spend playing around and talking and laughing, being a mother and daughter. I dream of you my beautiful Aria.
I dream of a baby boy, I am yet to decide on his name but I love him as much. I dream of his little feet. I dream of his soft cry. I hear you in my sleep. I think of you as I go through my life. I dream of you loving soccer, and music and anything that you desire. I dream of your soft hands holding mine and us walking into the sunset. I love you my little boy.
I dream of your father my children. I do this every single day. I spend some time just thinking and dreaming about him. I dream of his big heart and his beautiful soul. I dream of his romance, I dream of his love. I dream about us making love, I dream about us laughing and creating a beautiful life for our children. I dream of our wedding day. I dream of his eyes, his scent, his stomach, his shoulders. I dream of his laughter, I dream of his tears, I dream about the strength of his feelings, I dream about his hugs and kisses. I dream of my future husband.
I keep dreaming, because I know you are all part of my life. I dream because I know, as I live my life, my dreams are coming true in each moment. This is not an impossible dream, it is MY DREAM. The true dream, the lofty dream that keeps my soul alive.

Its a Damn Cold Night: Scintilla #3

Talk about a memory triggered by a particular song
I remember mostly with vague details, the cold nights that I have had to endure. But one of those stands out more than others. We lived together. It had been more than a year of living together. The problem was that it was losing the luster. The relationship I mean. It was no longer what it had been in the past years.
He had changed and I used to tell him everyday. He was not the same person any more. I looked into his eyes and I knew that things were no longer the same. There was no interest in spending time together and we tried to avoid each other whenever possible.
Being the optimist I am, I hoped. I spent many of my days hoping and praying. And telling myself that things were gonna be ok. It did not feel right though. It felt as if my heart was already gone while I forced my body to stay in the same spot. This is why I felt so much pain. It felt like there was not enough oxygen. I struggled but I knew that someday I would have to give in to the life that I truly deserved.
The call came and he went into the bedroom to take it. I knew this was not any call. My body misled me even when my heart said no. I followed him and I overheard his call. The soft voice, the sweet nothings, all the things that used to be whispered to my ear. Only this time, they were meant for someone else. 
I slept on the couch that night and the only song I listened to was “Damn Cold Night” by Avril Lavigne.And it was definitely the coldest night ever.